Hasta luego mi querida Colombia

Not a day has passed in the last week without me breaking down in tears. Whether its walking down the street, riding the metro, hugging a dear friend, or sitting alone on my balcony and watching the day turn to night, at some point they eventually surface. Today, as I was riding the bus, they seemed to come out of nowhere, the kind of huge elephant drops that can't be hidden with the wipe of a sleeve of the dab of a tissue. The old woman sitting next to me reached over and placed her hand on top of mine. Don't worry, she said, looking straight ahead. Todo se arregle. It all works out. Las lagrimas limpian el alma.

Saying goodbye to Colombia reminds me of graduating college: its poignant and sweet and sad and confusing all at once. A deep, intuitive sense that the time has come to move on is intertwined with feelings of attachment and twinges of doubt over leaving, that maybe abandoning this incredible community is in fact a huge and terrible mistake. This morning as I was packing my suitcases and cleaning up my apartment, taking down wall hangings and clearing out desk drawers, I came across business cards of old connections made upon arrival and I began to reflect on how much I've grown over the past two years ago. I was mopping the floor, salsa blaring in the background and salty tears dripping onto the floor below me and I felt (feel) a bizarre combination of sadness and joy. This country is so amazing. The land, the mountains, the unpredictable afternoon downpours, the old men sitting on street corners, the whistling fruit vendors... it’s all so beautiful and so alive. The unique and painful history that Colombians have lived through has turned them into an unusually sensitive, intellectual, lively, and joyful people. There’s an appreciation of life here that just feeds your soul. Last night my friends organized a goodbye party for me at my favorite mexican restaurant. We drank beer and tequila and ate enchiladas and told jokes and reminisced and laughed and cried...afterwards my dear friend Farid walked me home and as we approached my house I couldn't help but absorb the sweetness of the evening; the warm breeze and the sliver of moon above us, the gentle hum of music flowing out of nearby windows ..and I felt a full and overwhelming sensation of love. And faith. Sadness for leaving this place but faith in what lies ahead and love for all the amazing people that have touched my life along the way. 

I know the transition back to the US will be challenging, but I am looking forward to the next chapter - whatever it is. There have been moments of weakness and vulnerability, many, but overall this experience has strengthened me in so many ways and has left me with a deep sense of integrity. I feel I have not only survived the challenge of starting from scratch, but have thrived in it - and for that I am very grateful. It's time to move on, but Colombia will always stay with me. Knowing that I will return here in the future (and definitely in a few months to defend my thesis) makes saying goodbye much easier.

Now it's time to reconnect with my family and friends and fill my lungs with  Massachusetts summer air !